Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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