I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
