The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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