I heard we made out
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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