i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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