She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
