I have demons in me.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
