oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
