think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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