I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
