wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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