i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
