I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
