maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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