so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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