I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
