You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
