I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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