just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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