bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
