Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My ass is underappreciated
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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