Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I want her autograph on my taint
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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