i will never coherently bang her
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
