How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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