is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
