i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
