...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
