I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
