do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
