Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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