I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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