WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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