VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
