I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
