omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
