i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
