you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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