hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
