Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
