Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
