addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
