your thong is hanging out like whoa
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
