Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
