I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
