mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
