Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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