we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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