I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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