Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
