I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
