Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
